Talk:Chinese girl who was hit and run by two drivers, ignored by eighteen people, dies
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Review of revision 1307142 [Passed] [edit]
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Revision 1307142 of this article has been reviewed by Blood Red Sandman (talk · contribs) and has passed its review at 17:47, 22 October 2011 (UTC).
Comments by reviewer: I'm not entirely comfortable with this as the lower limit is three paragraphs - This is two paragraphs and one sentence. However... I'm going to reluctantly put aside my reservations as it's the lede that's short here. The reviewed revision should automatically have been edited by removing {{Review}} and adding {{Publish}} at the bottom, and the edit sighted; if this did not happen, it may be done manually by a reviewer. |
This title doesn't make sense [edit]
Was the girl ignored by 18 people or were the drivers ignored? —fetch·comms 18:31, 22 October 2011 (UTC)
Article needs editor to copy edit it [edit]
Examples:
- who was hit and run by two van drivers; Hit and run is not a verb. Needs rewording to avoid misusing the English language.
- who was hit and run by two van drivers, then disregarded by eighteen passers-by - 18 passers-by disregarded the two van drivers? Doesn't anyone pay attention to van drivers in China?
- last week shows the onlookers pass her' should be onlookers passed her; did it happen in the past, or are they continuing to pass her? Or what?
- Should be hyphens in "Two year old" and "58 year old", as in "Two-year-old" and "58-year-old".
- The local government is now looking to bring in a law ??? What is meant here? How is a government "looking to bring in a law". Does it mean the government is looking into passing a law or is the government looking to bring in a law from somewhere else?
- whilst she lay cataleptic and bleeding ??? Cataleptic - severe bodily condition, described in psychiatric pathology, marked by sudden rigidity, fixation of posture, and loss of contact with environmental conditions Really, is this the right word? She had a psychiatric pathology? Or was she physically hurt?
Needs editor familiar with English to fix!!!
"Rubbish" is a synonym for "garbage" [edit]
Synonyms for garbage - junk, refuse, rubbish, trash, waste.
Synonyms for rubbish - Garbage, junk, refuse, waste.
e.g. The rubbish is collected every Thursday in Gloucester, but on Wednesdays in Cheltenham.
