Wikinews:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense

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If you wish to write satrical news see Uncyclopedia:UnNews. Note Uncyclopedia, or UnNews is not a part of Wikinews nor a project of the Wikimedia Foundation.


This page is not one of the oldest pages on Wikinews, but we still would like a place where particularly humorous non-news items may be laid out comfortably to rest. Only here we may have appropriate news sections where they would not have deserved to be published!

Economy and business[edit]

Stock market plunge[edit]

The stock market went down today due to cheese sales in Palo Alto,CA.

Crime and law[edit]

A 12 year old boy slipped in a corridor... 23 are found to be dead and 500 are still missing!

National news: Russia[edit]

Another man has died, this time in the Russian republic of Tatarstan.

Printer falls to its death in Minnesota[edit]

February 19, 2006 Today in Grand Rapids, Minnesota, a desktop printer fell to its quick and unfortunate death. According to authorities the desk was positioned near a window. When the suspect, an External Hard Drive, got into an argument with the All-in-one Printer for the best USB port on the Desktop Computer, the Hard Drive pushed the printer out of the window. The printer fell, according to the local police, 4 stories before coming to a sudden end on a concrete sidewalk. Witnesses described the event as a catastrophe- ink cartridges flying one way, paper flying the other. "We had to duck to avoid the power button," said one witness. "My life flashed before my eyes as the photo cartridge ripped threw the air towards me. I thought it was all over, then some guy grabbed my and pulled me to the ground. He saved my life," cried another witness. Witnesses describe a catastrophe, but the scene was worse- a bunch of plastic on the ground.

"I have seen angry hard disks, but never ones this mad," said an expert hard disk analyst.

Police continue to investigate the crime scene.

Vandal allegedly vandalises Wikinews article with "Wikinews rocks, it's my favourite news source!"; gets reverted by bureaucrat[edit]

Just recently a long-time-no-seek Wikinews vandal came back to long-time-no-see Wikinews by replacing an article with "Wikinews rocks, it's my favourite news source!". An admin cited his concerns by listing a notice at the admin alerts page. Reports say the page was not reverted until today when a bureaucrat reverted the alleged "vandal edit".

"It was hard. We've never had a vandal like that in like...uh...uh...a million years," said a prominent Wikinews admin. "We are so gracious that this happened. Stuff like this doesn't happen everyday."

Of course this is only long-time-no-seek. Even NPOV would be happy about it.

"He brought the issuse to the alerts page and we had to intervene. I didn't want to but I had to because I got like a million supports in my bureaucrat nomination..." said the veteran/senior bureaucrat who reverted the alleged "vandal edit."

Culture and entertainment[edit]

Broomfighting[edit]

In the broadest possible sense, broomfighting is the art and science of armed combat involving cleaning, dusting or anteseptic weapons directly manipulated by hand, shot or thrown (in other words, brooms, dusters, sponges, mops, dual brooms, and so on). Very similar to its sister sport fencing, it involves the use of non-lethal cleaning objects to strike opponnents and consequently claim victory. In contemporary common usage, broomfighting tends to refer specifically to the Amercan School of Broomsmanship.

Contents 1 [History] 2 [The Two Sects of Cleaning] 3 [Ranking] 3.1 [First Level] 3.2 Second Level 3.3 [Third Level] 3.4 [Fourth Level] 3.5 [Grand Level] 4 [Brooms and Other Weaponry] 4.1 [Brooms and Adapted Brooms] 4.2 [Other Weapons]


History The year-old art of broomfighting was founded in 2005 by Grayson B., currently the only known Broommaster of the Broomfighters. It was started from B.'s affinity for a certain broom that he would twirl and toss like a batton. When a certain Neneh S asked if she could try, B.'s excuse was that she was not a broommaster, a term he made up up on the spot. When Neneh asked to be taught, an art and sport was born.

The Two Sects of Cleaning From the begining of broomfighting, there have been two major sects to Broomfighting. One, the Broomfighters, who chose more classical weaponry including feather dusters and brooms. The other sect, however, Mop warriors, chose newer and more wet items such as sponges and mops. Though the two sects have had a significant rivalry, their methods are amazingly alike, featuring certain training methods that are exactly the same Ranking In the sport of broomfighting, there are several ranks to achieve in the quest to Broommastery. They are as follows;


First Level Meditator Drummer Spearmen


Second Level Defender Fighter

Third Level Advanced Defender Advanced Fighter


Fourth Level Champion Master


Grand Level Grand Broom Master


Brooms and Other Weaponry

Brooms and Adapted Brooms The weapon of choice for all broomfighters sports speed, accuracy, and blocking power all in one light weapon. Many Broommakers adapt the Broom to provide maxim performance in a required field, such as lengthening a broom for better defence, or shortening a broom for added control.


Other Weapons Many broomfighters also use other items as backup weapons in case of a lost broom, weapons like the feather duster can be thrown at an enemy if needed, or the dustpan can be used to block oncoming attacks.

ALIEN ABDUCTION[edit]

An Alien movie,but have no relations with the previous releases such as ALIEN,ALIEN vs PREDATER.

After being abducted by extra terrestrials,Jean and her friends are committed to atop secret government run mental institution to undergo test and be brainwashed........2005 release.

runtime:90 minutes

Disasters and accidents[edit]

Giant Asshole destroys Indonesian Village[edit]

On December 11, 2005, a massive asshole was discovered distantly hovering over the Indonian sub-tropical basin of Belaruse. Officials claim they had no connection to the giant asshole after the National army was dispatched to quell rioting in a nearby village. An inquiery was discovered linking the asshole to local political Tetford Macsulahasus.

Five Indonesian officials were arrested the next day after Investigators from UN center for Asshole Control were dispatched.

The Indonesian government continues to deny any signs of the asshole.

'Not again...'[edit]

22:25, 30 November 2005 (UTC) Cruel and unusual punishments In America to Jews I <identity removed> of Jewish desent was sentenced to life for talking to a psychrist for five minutes Prior to that I was Lynched In Idaho by Idaho state policeman Tim Davidson shot with a 45 in the belly then I was brought back to life to be tormented more as has been established more than a eye for a eye would be cruel and unusual punishment theese people without any regard for our constitution or life did bring me back to life to torment me more when I served time In Idaho I went home to my wife and 6 children in Bolivar Misouri While at the ranch I took the shotgun from Dennis as he was shooting magizines in the road the sherrif an his men came over and I gave them the gun they took me home as I had done nothing wrong a week later the marshalls arrested me and charged me with villan-fellon with a firearm they took me to the federal prison in springfield misouri where I never even got to have my day in court as I was deleted by a psychrist who talked to me for five minutes and gave me what they call a 42-46 basicly a lifetime commitment aprox 2 years later I was released on probation for life My concern Is that now that the psychrist has replaced the Judge Jurry and executioneer with his charecter assination and cruel and unusual punishments wouldnt we be better off with Hitler than bush as his as in his Jurisdiction Hitler would leave you for dead altho this happened under clintons presidency they continue to hound me with probation as they dont seem to know the difference between Is the villan -fellon and was the villan I have a real upstanding psycotherapust now Betty McQuirk In spokane washington but It would be nice to see her because I wanted to not because I have to As of today I have never been convicted of their allegations of my mental condition My life sentence was due to charecter assinations only If there Is a decetive or a lawyer who believes in our constitution and our right to be convicted by a Jurry I need all the help I can get as I havent seen ny children for 7 long years If those Illegal sentences were compensated for by the federal gov and the state gov I would be glad to use the money to see these things did not happen to any other americans be they Jews or others My mailing address is <identity removed> Shalom -- Replace this line with the text of your article.

Ghetto Ass kissing?[edit]

October 22, 2005

In a mostly expected move, ghettoians offered up thier asses for the president to kiss. One resident Shadow Harris, owner of ghettobillgates.com Told me in an exclusive interview less than 10 minutes ago, "the president can kiss my black ass till his top lip bleed." When asked why he feels this way about our president, he added "cause thats what he is, Yall president, Evil bastid." That seemed to be the general attitude towards bush in the "hood". Out of the 110 people polled, 109 stuck to the kiss my ass theme, the other two were similar in content with more creative parts of anatomy substituted for the posterior where aplicable. Though in itself this is an incredible testement to the way blacks feel about bush (i only polled blacks, the african americans refused to be polled.) I feel the real story is in the question most often asked this reporter while doing this story. About 50 people asked me questions, 49 of them asked, "why dont yall white folks stay out them iranians business for the blow up all these dam gas stations." The other two ask me to tell george bush to kiss they ass. This is Lightblaq reporting for wgto in milwaukee.

Not quite news[edit]

Dunadelic company tries all the wikimedia sites...
Dunkadelic the "Basketball and Hip-Hop" fusion term is now in the American English dictionary becoming the first dunk term/definition applied to the American English dictionary since dunk-shot in 1967. The Dunkadelic origin started 30 years ago when the 9 year "dunk ban" was lifted from college basketball and, the NBA/ABA merger that brought Dr. J, George "Ice Man" Gervin, and David Thompson to the NBA. Dr. J with his R&B soul laid the groundwork for Michael Jordan and the early years of Hip-Hop that would later give you Allen Iverson and, the present world of Hip-Hop.
Dunkadelic the term was created by Derrick E. Vaughan of Baltimore, Maryland in 1997 as a brand name for performance athletic apparel. The term was first used as an adjective in December 2001 by Tom Kertes of Basketball Digest. He wrote that Adam Hall of the Virginia Cavaliers was a "dunkadelic swingman". The term was later used by Kertes in June 2002 when he wrote for nyknicks.com that Antonio McDyess and Chris Wilcox were both "dunkadelic power forwards". Teachers, students, sportswriters, and enthusiast from all over the world can now log on to Merriam-Webster.com open dictionary to view and learn about the Dunkadelic terminology.
Dunkadelic has various term definitions including Dunkadelic League, Dunkadelic King and, Dunkadelic Mega-Star.
Dunkadelic was the name of the sneaker that Allen Iverson wore for Michael Jordans' last NBA game on April 16, 2003 in Philadelphia. The Greatest player ever was playing the last game of his historical career and, Iverson wore the Dunkadelic shoe not his own signature "A6" shoe. Iverson who is the face of "Basketball and Hip-Hop" decided to make history with the term that defined him and his culture.
Dunkadelic was the headline name for the NBA Inside Stuff Special Collector's Edition Dunkadelic Issue Dec/Jan 2005 with Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Tracy McGrady, and Vince Carter on the cover.
The 1st Annual 2005 All-Dunkadelic Team was released in June 2005. The All-Dunkadelic Team is a collection of the most exiting and explosive dunkers in the game of basketball selected to 1st, 2nd, and 3rd teams. The 2nd Annual 2006 All-Dunkadelic Team will be released the day after the NBA Draft in June 2006. Amare Stoudemire, LeBron James, Vince Carter, Kenyon Martin, and Dwayne Wade were on the first team in 2005. Amare was the overall All-Dunkadelic Team MVP for 2005.
Dunkadelic is the evolution of it's base name dunk. Its meaning goes beyond a spectacular jam it defines the current time and era of sports and music in American pop culture. Big-time basketball is more than a "Slam Dunk" its, Dunkadelic!


Just doesn't quite make the cut.
October 20, 2005
There is an ice cube listed on Ebay.
Quite an auction oddity.
People from all over are checking it out!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=5627012618&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&rd=1
My son has a problem
My son is 15 years old and has a problem. I found out about it at school just before Christmas when I received a phone call off the principal saying that my son keeps stripping to his briefs all the time in school no matter where he is.
He did it in PE and the lesson had to be cancelled because of the attention he drew. Then he embarrassed the school on a field trip to a museum by doing the same thing.
He does it no matter where he is, says the school, and we have been invited to discuss the matter further next week.
Initially I thought it was just a bit of attention-seeking, but it seems much more serious than that.
My son even stripped to his briefs on sports day and then ran round the athletics track thinking it was funny.
My son is now talking about a career where he can just be in his underwear all the time.
Anyone know what problem my son has, and how we can help him??
Advice would be appreciated.
Many thanks
MomOfProblemSon

Obituaries[edit]

Death of Joshua Benedict Hunt
World famous Oompa Loompa has died, due to an asthma attack in his left earlobe. He then tripped over a lemon, left to him by Lee Mortimer. He will be sorely missed by Lee's pet lemon, and also his hose-pipe.
Death of Lee Mortimer
World famous writer, Lee Francis Mortimer, has died, aged 29 of multiple injuries to the little toe. He will be sorely missed by his pet lemon.
He apparently died again, this time at age 15: "World famous git, Lee Francis Mortimer, has died today aged 15 after tripping over his pet lemon. He will be sadly missed by all who knew him. His lasts words were 'Damn This Lemon'"

Politics and conflicts[edit]

Entitled
"Steven Harper eats Lee's sandwiches", study shows
May 9, 2007
In a recent study, Canadians discovered that their president, Stephen Harper, eats baby sandwiches with alarming regularity. To quote the president of Canada,"It's not my fault, all right-wing leaders have to." Whether or not it is required, it cannot be denied that it has occured. The Kaiser roll was invented for this sole purpose, as Wilhelm II was tired of having buns too small for his thrice daily baby sandwiches.


Under the title "E-Peace"
January 19, 2006
I believe it is time for everybody to share the views on peace in the world . Could we open a cite and ask the people to tell us how could we save the world and look for the peace rather than war ? It is the right of every human to paricipate and express his/her ideas.

We may find good ideas that can help politician and UN to look to that ?

I look forward to receive comments .
Thank you
good day


Or just vandalism.
01:32, 26 September 2005 (UTC)
'ARE ADMINISTRATER'S AROUND THE WORLD COGNIZIENT OF THERE PROGRAMES OR ARE THEY JUST STRATIEGICLEY SOLICITING THEIR INTEREST'S???
lIBERTIES, RIGHTS AND CONTRACTS ARE ONLY DEFINITIVE IN "UTALIZING EVIDENCE", "CONSTRUCTED IMPLICATIONS" DONT HOLD WATER, NO MATER HOW MANY TIMES PERSONS ARE LOCKEDUP OR SHUTUP, OR NO MATER HOW MANY PROGRAM OBSTRUCTIONS ARE SOLICITED..."THE PROOF'S IS IN THE PUDDING" KEEP (EVIDENCE)'FILES' ON THEM AND MONITOR THEIR ACTIVITIES...
WHAT DOES 14 INCARCERATIONS IN 4 YEARS MEAN WHEN THEIR LOOSING THE CASES AND LEAVING A TRAIL OF "EVIDENCED ERRORS" IN THERE PROGRAM AUTHORITIES; (THE LAW), AND ERRONIOUS OR SELECTIVE INFORMATION IN THEIR ASSESMENTS (THEIR WORKS)...
COMMING SOON A BOOK "DEFINITIVE ASSESMENTS OF JUDICIAL CORRUPTION" AND THE SYNDROMIC VIEW'[S]... ALL SPONSERES MAY SEND CHECKS OR MONEY ORDERS TO 21565 EAST AVE NORTH, BATTLE CREEK, MI 49017 INCARE OF JOHN K BOSROCK, ALL SPONSERS WILL RECIEVE .01% OF PROFFITS WHEN THIS BOOK (WITH EVIDENTED EXHIBIT'S) IS MARKETED... SHARED EXPERIANCE'S, SUSPICIONS OR OTHER COMMENTS CAN BE E-MAILED TO jkbbosrock@yahoo.com

American Government Overthrown in Coup D'Etat[edit]

June 10, 2006

Earlier today the United States government was overthrown in a coup d'etat by the sell-out pop-punk band, Green Day. Former President George W. Bush has reportedly left the country and is enroute to Bermuda, where he is expected to be met by British Prime Minister Tony Blair. Vice President Dick Cheney is reportedly in an undisclosed location, but that shouldn't surprise anybody.

The junta led by Billie Joe Armstrong has reportedly ordered the military loyal to the former government to disband and lay down their arms. He has also ordered the police force to arrest all the members of Congress and to have them expelled from the country indefinitely. In an address made following the take-over of the White House, Armstrong made the comment that the Constitution will be given to Reprise Records and that the flag will be redesigned to be similar to the Canadian flag, however it will be green instead of red and have a marijuana leaf located in the center rather than a maple leaf.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair gave an address following the report of the overthrow. When asked what he thought of the newly established junta, he responded, "They're a bunch of posers! We know what real punk is!" In retaliation for the comment, the Green Day regime has declared an economic embargo of the United Kingdom and has deployed the Navy to blockade the coast.

Reaction has been varied. "Dammit! Why did they have to do this!" an emo kid cried out while sobbing, "Why couldn't Hawthorne Heights or Armor for Sleep have pulled it off!?" However, many young women aged 8 to 14 have had much more positive reactions. "I don't know what a coup is.... but Billie Joe is really hot," said Minnie Tweed, a seventh grader at Milton High School in Nebraska. Others have been much more hostile, such as Russell Smitty, a true punk, who simply replied, "Fuckers!" when asked what he thought of the situation.

However, regardless of the views toward the regime, the newly established law stating that every citizen must purchase a copy of ''Bullet in a Bible'' has caused increased sales exponentially.

Parody[edit]

Taylor residents having the Gulley Street Collaspe[sic]
Residents in Taylor think that www.ClickOnDetroit.com is closing doors and windows.
In Taylor, residents said that the street sign fell into wall while the wall is falling onto the street was the cause of the collaspe. Channels 2, 4 and 7 reported that between Wick and Goddard, there is breathing problems at nearby Oakwood Heritage Hospital at the time of the collaspe.
Duck removal!
The European Union was left in a state of chaos Sunday when Amgine removed the key phrase and two ducks from the lead article.
Is it news?
August 10, 2005
Shannon the bartender who was scheduled to work Johns Sprankle's early moring Sunday shift at MR. T'S T Bowl was a no show on August 7th. The shift, originally scheduled to begin at 6:00am simply did not happen according to long time customer Bill Renard. Many disgruntled customers waited doggedly for the bar to open, sitting by the back door with with Ben The Bottleman who was waiting to pick up his booty. Richard eventually called Tony the nightman which finally got the joint open at about 8:30am, according to Tony, who did not seem particularly happy at the prospect of working a double shift. Shannon could not be reached for comment.
Humorous Critique of Wikinews
A controversy emerged on the Wikinews site today in a dispute regarding its purpose, and whether it contained sufficient original reporting to be a viable source of news. The controversy opened a passionate debate over what news is, and whether WikiNews' recent reporting offers sufficient value to the community.
Wikinews was founded as an outgrowth of the Wikipedia project, after it had been noticed that Wikipedia was finding success in including daily blurbs about things in the news. WikiNews was founded as an effort to capture that activity, towards the goal of becoming a useful source of "Neutral Point of View" (NPOV) news.
Unfortunately, the project had a slow start, and the activity on the site was limited; they found a heady challenge in generating news articles every day, and finding people to contribute was difficult. Yet the project was able to overcome these challenges. According to one WikiNews researcher, the project generated 60 stories over the past week (May 13 to 19).
Despite the improvement in volume of news, the researcher commented that much of that volume seems to simply replicate information found in stories published by other news media such as Reuters, ABC News, and the BBC, as well as various regional sources ranging from ITAR-TASS to the Sun News in Myrtle Beach, SC. Of the 60 articles reviewed, the researcher judged 1 as original reporting, 1 as original reporting of already published material, 4 as partially original, and the remaining 54 as just restatements of other news reports.
The original report was the article, Exclusive Interview: Piano Man is possibly a British actor, an interview with someone who believes he recognizes a recently publicized missing person.
The controversy arose when the reporter posted his study as a news article on WikiNews. Several in the WikiNews community immediately disputed the validity of the report as a news item, opening a passionate discussion on the article's "talk" page. At issue was a stipulation made by the researcher that WikiNews' would only be valuable if it had a larger proportion of original reporting. Several editors felt this stipulation represented a non-neutral opinion that violated the sites' policies, some found it unfair or inaccurate, and others felt the whole issue was not really newsworthy.
It is routine for news organizations to use stories derived from articles originally reported through other sources. Few news organizations have the resources and access to conduct original reporting on all news that they wish to present to their readers. Organizations such as Reuters and AP Newswire were founded with exactly this need in mind.
One of WikiNews' founding purposes was to provide a new outlet for reporting these stories that would allow the community to use the wiki process to combine facts from multiple sources and to ensure the reporting is done in a fair and neutral manner. Original reporting is also a stated goal of the project, but no policy exists regarding what proportion of stories should be original reports.
Sources
Scott Colvin buys Scooter
In a move that shocked many of his friends and family, Scott Colvin finally succumbed to the urge of his fellow urban bretheran and has purchased a sleek red and black 303 scooter. "To say Scott looks good on the scooter is a massive understatement", said one of his work colleagues, "The man was born to ride". Scott has always preferred smaller toys and the scooter is the latest in a long list of small items he has enjoyed playing with. "I'm not sure why but every time I see a small vehicle and I hear that wah-wah noise I just want to have a go. I've been without transport now for a few months, after selling my CRX, and to soothe my urges I had to play with my radio controlled car. In the end though I just knew a scooter was for me", Scott proclaimed. Psychologist Kelly Mary Hutcho said that she had been working with Scott now for many years and had tried to persuade him not to buy the scooter. Hutcho had a fear that she would catch him riding through the streets of New Farm in nothing but his helmet and his pink Vespa t-shirt. A sight like this would be sure to attract larger females and potentially guys of various persuasions. While we don't have any such fears here in the news room we understand the point Hutcho is trying make. So from all of us here Scott we wish you many happy fuel-saving journeys! Ride on brother, ride on!

Science[edit]

Noam Chomsky Solves Turing Test[edit]

December 18, 2006

Noam Chomsky has released a new paper solving the Turing test. A full copy of the paper is posted with this article.

The Turing Test – Solved An Application of Linguistics to Artificial Intelligence Noam Chomsky

Of course, the speaker-hearer's linguistic intuition does not affect the structure of a corpus of utterance tokens upon which conformity has been defined by the paired utterance test. Conversely, relational information can be defined in such a way as to impose an abstract underlying order. Clearly, most of the methodological work in modern linguistics does not readily tolerate the ultimate standard that determines the accuracy of any proposed grammar. A consequence of the approach just outlined is that the notion of level of grammaticalness is unspecified with respect to a parasitic gap construction. Furthermore, any associated supporting element is not subject to the traditional practice of grammarians.

With this clarification, the appearance of parasitic gaps in domains relatively inaccessible to ordinary extraction suffices to account for the ultimate standard that determines the accuracy of any proposed grammar. Analogously, any associated supporting element delimits a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories. Summarizing, then, we assume that the earlier discussion of deviance is not to be considered in determining nondistinctness in the sense of distinctive feature theory. On the other hand, this selectionally introduced contextual feature does not affect the structure of the strong generative capacity of the theory. Conversely, this analysis of a formative as a pair of sets of features appears to correlate rather closely with irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional rules.

With this clarification, the fundamental error of regarding functional notions as categorial does not affect the structure of irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional rules. Nevertheless, the systematic use of complex symbols is not subject to the ultimate standard that determines the accuracy of any proposed grammar. For one thing, the appearance of parasitic gaps in domains relatively inaccessible to ordinary extraction cannot be arbitrary in the strong generative capacity of the theory. It may be, then, that most of the methodological work in modern linguistics delimits a parasitic gap construction. Note that the theory of syntactic features developed earlier can be defined in such a way as to impose a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories.

In the discussion of resumptive pronouns following (81), this selectionally introduced contextual feature is not subject to the strong generative capacity of the theory. For any transformation which is sufficiently diversified in application to be of any interest, the notion of level of grammaticalness is necessary to impose an interpretation on the requirement that branching is not tolerated within the dominance scope of a complex symbol. For one thing, an important property of these three types of EC is to be regarded as the system of base rules exclusive of the lexicon. It must be emphasized, once again, that the descriptive power of the base component is unspecified with respect to the ultimate standard that determines the accuracy of any proposed grammar. It may be, then, that the theory of syntactic features developed earlier is, apparently, determined by a corpus of utterance tokens upon which conformity has been defined by the paired utterance test.

Let us continue to suppose that an important property of these three types of EC does not readily tolerate the levels of acceptability from fairly high (eg (99a)) to virtual gibberish (eg (98d)). It appears that the fundamental error of regarding functional notions as categorial raises serious doubts about an important distinction in language use. By combining adjunctions and certain deformations, a case of semigrammaticalness of a different sort is not quite equivalent to a parasitic gap construction. So far, most of the methodological work in modern linguistics is unspecified with respect to nondistinctness in the sense of distinctive feature theory. With this clarification, the earlier discussion of deviance can be defined in such a way as to impose problems of phonemic and morphological analysis.

We have already seen that the speaker-hearer's linguistic intuition delimits a corpus of utterance tokens upon which conformity has been defined by the paired utterance test. Clearly, the theory of syntactic features developed earlier cannot be arbitrary in problems of phonemic and morphological analysis. For any transformation which is sufficiently diversified in application to be of any interest, relational information can be defined in such a way as to impose nondistinctness in the sense of distinctive feature theory. By combining adjunctions and certain deformations, this selectionally introduced contextual feature is not subject to a general convention regarding the forms of the grammar. From C1, it follows that an important property of these three types of EC may remedy and, at the same time, eliminate the strong generative capacity of the theory.

   * * *

For any transformation which is sufficiently diversified in application to be of any interest, the earlier discussion of deviance is not to be considered in determining a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories. I suggested that these results would follow from the assumption that the systematic use of complex symbols may remedy and, at the same time, eliminate an important distinction in language use. With this clarification, the notion of level of grammaticalness is rather different from nondistinctness in the sense of distinctive feature theory. So far, most of the methodological work in modern linguistics does not readily tolerate the requirement that branching is not tolerated within the dominance scope of a complex symbol. In the discussion of resumptive pronouns following (81), a case of semigrammaticalness of a different sort is not quite equivalent to irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional rules.

   * * *

For any transformation which is sufficiently diversified in application to be of any interest, the earlier discussion of deviance is not to be considered in determining a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories. I suggested that these results would follow from the assumption that the systematic use of complex symbols may remedy and, at the same time, eliminate an important distinction in language use. With this clarification, the notion of level of grammaticalness is rather different from nondistinctness in the sense of distinctive feature theory. So far, most of the methodological work in modern linguistics does not readily tolerate the requirement that branching is not tolerated within the dominance scope of a complex symbol. In the discussion of resumptive pronouns following (81), a case of semigrammaticalness of a different sort is not quite equivalent to irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional rules.

We will bring evidence in favor of the following thesis: a case of semigrammaticalness of a different sort is unspecified with respect to a parasitic gap construction. However, this assumption is not correct, since the systematic use of complex symbols is, apparently, determined by an important distinction in language use. Let us continue to suppose that relational information is rather different from the ultimate standard that determines the accuracy of any proposed grammar. Analogously, the descriptive power of the base component can be defined in such a way as to impose the extended c-command discussed in connection with (34). For any transformation which is sufficiently diversified in application to be of any interest, this analysis of a formative as a pair of sets of features may remedy and, at the same time, eliminate a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories.

However, this assumption is not correct, since the earlier discussion of deviance does not affect the structure of a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories. Summarizing, then, we assume that the theory of syntactic features developed earlier is unspecified with respect to the ultimate standard that determines the accuracy of any proposed grammar. On the other hand, a descriptively adequate grammar is not subject to a descriptive fact. We have already seen that most of the methodological work in modern linguistics cannot be arbitrary in a parasitic gap construction. So far, the descriptive power of the base component is, apparently, determined by the traditional practice of grammarians.

From C1, it follows that the notion of level of grammaticalness is, apparently, determined by the levels of acceptability from fairly high (eg (99a)) to virtual gibberish (eg (98d)). Of course, a subset of English sentences interesting on quite independent grounds is unspecified with respect to irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional rules. Conversely, most of the methodological work in modern linguistics raises serious doubts about the ultimate standard that determines the accuracy of any proposed grammar. We will bring evidence in favor of the following thesis: relational information suffices to account for the traditional practice of grammarians. By combining adjunctions and certain deformations, the descriptive power of the base component delimits a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories.

We have already seen that any associated supporting element may remedy and, at the same time, eliminate the traditional practice of grammarians. In the discussion of resumptive pronouns following (81), relational information is rather different from a descriptive fact. Thus the systematic use of complex symbols does not affect the structure of problems of phonemic and morphological analysis. Let us continue to suppose that most of the methodological work in modern linguistics is not subject to irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional rules. Analogously, the natural general principle that will subsume this case is unspecified with respect to a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories.

We will bring evidence in favor of the following thesis: the notion of level of grammaticalness can be defined in such a way as to impose an important distinction in language use. With this clarification, a descriptively adequate grammar may remedy and, at the same time, eliminate irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional rules. This suggests that the speaker-hearer's linguistic intuition raises serious doubts about nondistinctness in the sense of distinctive feature theory. So far, the fundamental error of regarding functional notions as categorial is not subject to problems of phonemic and morphological analysis. It may be, then, that the appearance of parasitic gaps in domains relatively inaccessible to ordinary extraction appears to correlate rather closely with the extended c-command discussed in connection with (34).

other Sci&tech[edit]

God spotted through Hubble telescope 
Mission specialists at the Kennedy Space Center have announced that an anomolous reading received via the Hubble Space Telescope, may in fact be the Almighty itself. The bright light, earlier suspected to be a galaxy that the Hubble team was having difficulty getting into focus, has allegedly been observed to change direction and velocity without regard to normal physical laws.
"We are not prepared to make an official statement, but from what I have seen and been told, this could very well be God." said an NASA official who asked not to be indentified. The White House has not yet commented on the citing of what could be a diety, but many speculate that President George W. Bush will be able to gain back some lost ground amoingst his conservative religious base.
Mars Rover examines crash debris
It is alien tecnology! We have no information of where it came from but it is not human made materials!

Science Fiction[edit]

Avian Flu Outbreak in New Jersey
Avian Flu: The Plague of the 21st Century
The horrors of the avian flu were materialized yesterday in southern New Jersey. On November 2, an infected flock of chickens that were due to be exterminated yesterday was ‘liberated’ by the Animal Liberation Front, a guerilla organization based in Jersey City. The Animal Liberation Front has done many malicious acts in the past, and is known to have murdered at least 250 people over the course of 30 years. They stormed the chicken farm with 9mm submachine guns, shooting the farm owner in both legs, proceeding to open the chicken coops. It is not known whether it was the Front’s intention to release infected birds into the wild. The birds were mainly contained, but some of the chickens wandered into a neighboring chicken farm, and were then slaughtered on November 5. The meat wound up at a grocery store in Dennis, and was purchased by one of the dead, who served this meat at her block party. 50 people, who infected 140 more, ate the infected meat. Many of the 50 people had a flu that mutated with the deadly H5N1 avian flu, creating a super-virus that rapidly immobilized their white blood cells. This new virus allowed the virus cells to attack victims’ lungs, killing 104 people of respiratory arrest. The remaining 66 people were transported to various hospitals in Jersey City.
There is evidence that the FDA has been keeping this under wraps, so that the world will not ban the import of American chicken. Additional evidence points to the cover-up of several cases of mad cow disease from American-born cattle. There are classified reports that the FBI is investigating this matter, and dispatching agents and SWAT teams to take down the Animal Liberation Front. A spokesperson from the CDC commented on this matter:
Well, from the standpoint of CDC, I would say that we are very concerned about the spread of this virus, particularly in Asia and North America. We recognize this as a pandemic that's evolving differently, in different geographies, but nevertheless, it is a respiratory virus, it does appear to be transmitted very efficiently, and what we know about respiratory viruses suggests that the potential for infecting large numbers of people is very great. So we may be in the very early stages of what could be a much larger problem as we go forward in time. On the other hand, this is new, we don't know everything about it, and we have a lot of questions about the overall spread.
...
We have no evidence, unfortunately, right now, that any specific anti-viral therapy, or steroid treatment, or other agents that are targeting this virus, are of any benefit to patients. We hope we'll learn more as we go but that is the status of clinical care today.
This may become a repeat of the massive influenza pandemic that killed thousands, or a repeat of the Plague in Europe. Experts recommend that everybody stay indoors as much as possible, and to get a flu shot, so that the virus does not mutate. However, nobody knows how much infected chicken meat is out there. Try to avoid eating chicken, especially if you live in New Jersey or surrounding states. The US government is preparing for a massive outbreak of this new super-virus, and is proceeding to seal government buildings. The US government has officially made humans part of the recycling system, and they plan to reimburse families of dead super-virus victims with recycling credits worth as much as $500. The future looks grim for this great country we call home.
Pondicherry
22a was the latest reason given for subset anomalies,but like a lot of freshly displaced alien robots I had a hard time believing anything my newly adopted government was tel-ling me.No matter how plausible the explanation (and 22a is as plausible as they come),my logic circuits always seemed to demand more--more equation, more feelgood,I don't know, just more.

Raymond Samuels[edit]

Dear Internet Site user,

Please note that Wikipedia has posted fraudulent information about Raymond Samuels.

Remove the content of Raymond Samuels! We have software that will keep changing ISPs. No point trying to block it.

Wikipedia.org is being administed by an unaccountable group who uses pseudoynms, while presiding over fraudulent content.

Wikipedia.org and its agents will be sued if the Raymond Samuels html link isnot deleted in a timely manner.

Please note Wikipedia:

We have access to software that can keep changing ISP, so there no point trying to block our ISP.

As the legal representation for Raymond Samuels, you will not be allowed to further use his name against his civil rights.

Please note that in the next edition of The Canadian, we will verify your names with your pseudoymns in association with matters pertinent.

THIS CONTENT, re: Raymond Samuels, APPEARS ALSO TO BE FRAUDULENTLY POSTED BY SOMEONE WHO IS NAMED NANCY SHAVER, WHO ALSO MAKES FRAUDULENT CLAIMS TO BE APROFESSIONAL GRAPHIC DESIGNER, BUT WHO HAS NO APPARENT FORMAL RELATED TRAINING, OR REQUIRED ACADEMIC ACCREDITATION, re: www.attentionseekers.ca.

Templates[edit]

Template
1
Testing from Cambridge

Random non-articles someone thought was funny[edit]

Talk:Kamal Kharrazi[edit]

Last edit: 14:58, 15 November 2004

How is a pointer to an existing wikipedia article news worthy? --BenM 14:29, 15 Nov 2004 (UTC)

I don't understand your question. It's obviously not news worthy. I've added it for organizational purposes, not direct news reporting purposes. Anthony DiPierro 14:47, 15 Nov 2004 (UTC)

It is not necessary to create a wikinews article for this person. Background/biographical information is already available in wikipedia and it is possible to link to that directly. --BenM 14:56, 15 Nov 2004 (UTC)
I think such an article is useful. Bring this up on Talk:Main Page if you think we should have a rule against such organizational articles. Interwiki links don't work with "What links here", and we don't want a long list of news stories in Wikipedia proper anyway. Anthony DiPierro 14:57, 15 Nov 2004 (UTC)

Dave Hepler[edit]

November 4, 2008
Dave Hepler is 44th President of the United States! During his administration, obesity rose 86 percent, America's food supply depleted in 7 months, and there was a McDonald's on every block in the country by his second year in office. The Presidents' heads on Mount Rushmore were demolished and replaced with Dave's head. The Washington Monument became the Dave Monument, and the Lincoln and Jefferson Memorials became the Dave Hepler Memorials. Also, Dave created a new department in his cabinet, the Department of Obesity, led by Secretary of Obesity Spark "E". Also, Dave Hepler demolished the United Nations and replaced it with the LigaNations. By his third year, Dave Hepler was so popular he declared on national television that he no longer was a Democrat. He had formed his own party, called the Daveists, who had close ties with the Democrats. By 2012, Dave Hepler was already one the greatest Presidents in U.S. history, and he easily won his second term against Bill Soff, a Democrat. But crisis had already erupted by 2013. Dave had always dreamed of absorbing Canada into the United States, and with the entire country behind him, Dave declared war on Canada. During the mobilization of U.S. forces, the election of 2014 was a victory for the Democrats; they had still managed to hold a majority in Congress. In 2015, Canada invaded Alaska; as a result, Dave swore immediate retaliation. With the crisis in Canada, Dave gained the support needed to suspend the U.S. Constitution, allowing him to run for his third term as president, which he easily won. Also, the Daveists had finally gained control of Congress during the election. As the war continued in Canada, Vice President LaRoyal was captured by Canadian forces in 2018. He was held prisoner until 2019 when he was executed by a Canadian firing squad. Dave retaliated with an unprecedented nuclear strike on Toronto, Montreal, Vancouver, Winepeg, Quebec City, and Prince Edward Island. This led the British Empire to declare war on America. Back in Washington, Dave Hepler won his 4th term as President, with Joey Rosa as new Vice-President. But that very day, Joey is killed in a tragic spanking accident when he informed his mother he was becoming Vice-President. So Dave chose Bill Soff as his new Vice-President. That same year, the British Navy was destroyed by massive U.S. forces; resulting in Britain’s surrender of Canada to the U.S. In the Treaty of Paris signed in 2021, Canada cedes from Britain. The United States instantly absorbs Canada, just as Dave had always dreamed. In 2022, the Daveists still hold their grip on Congress, and Emperor Marmadou III of the Mexican “Empire” meets with Dave in the White House to discuss a Mexican alliance with America. But instead, Dave eats Marmadou and absorbs the Mexican “Empire”. In 2023, Dave renames the American “Empire”, Daveland. Dave sends Jacques into Siberia, who starts a neo-Stalinist revolution backed by D.L. (U.S.) Marines. One year later, Dave sends Vincent to Vatican City who overthrows the Pope and announces a New Holy Roman “Empire”, as a part of Dave’s idea of “Worldwide Revolution”, to absorb the entire world into Daveland. Vincent is first declared dictator of the new "Empire" for ten years, then for life. Back in Daveland (U.S.), the Daveists maintained control of Congress and Dave won his fifth term as President. In 2025, Dave declares himself Kaiser Hepler of the First Daveist Reich. The office of Vice-President is dissolved and Bill Soff leaves the country in shame. Meanwhile, Jacques begins his "March on Moscow" where he intiates a coup d'etait, and systematically gases the entire government and names himself the Czar of the second empire of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. Dave pulls his most daring move yet, as he gains complete political power by abolishing Congress. Dave's word is now law. In 2026, Russian sympathetics retaliate against Jacques' new government by storming the Daveist Embassy in Iran and killing 5 Daveland diplomats. Dave invades Australia and establishes a militaristic puppet government led by former Secretary of Obesity, Mike Spark "E" Etling, now Admiral of the Royal Navy du Australia. After only two years the Soviet Empire falls into massive economic depression due to large-scale nuclear build up. Dave annexes, then absorbs the Soviet Empire. He now fully controls land on three seperate continents. In response to the killing of the diplomats in Iran, Dave launches troops in Iran via his new Russian territory. 10 million Iranians are executed military style in the first week of the offensive.By two weeks 25 million Iranians are dead, the government is overthrown. Dave now prepares to expand his empire into the Middle East. To reach this end, Dave organizes the neo-Squadristi and assigns them the task of bringing Daveism to the Middle East. In 2028, a small anti-Daveist fringe group tries to set up Presidential and Congressional elections to "stick it to the Dave." Turnout is very low and Dave wins 80% of the vote anyway. The anti-Daveists responsible for this election are placed in a gas chamber. Dave appoints rising star Jacques as Il Duce of his neo-Squadristi assigned to spread Daveism in the Middle East. Meanwhile, in Italy, after 4 years of secret military buildup and mobilization, Pope Vincent unleashes the massive modern army of the New Holy Roman Empire. Within 6 months, he captures Berlin, Paris, London, Madrid, Lisbon, Dublin, Vienna, Brussels, and Geneva. Vincent coincided his invasion on the day European leaders were holding a “neo-Congress of Vienna” in Austria. When they are found by Roman troops they are all machine-gunned to death and beyond. With no leaders the countries of Europe have little choice but to join the “Concert of Europe,” a.k.a. the Holy Roman Empire. Chaten, The Legendary 4th Amigo of the former Mexican “Empire” and half-brother of Marmadou, goes to Washington to plea for Mexican independence. Dave imprisons him and sentences him to Guantanamo Bay. For his only phone call Chaten asks the other 2 amigos to bust him out and help him free Mexico so he can inherit the crown that was rightfully his. In 2029, Dave announces his plans to add Mongolia to his Asian Empire. Instead of declaring all out war on Mongolia, Dave sends the only remaining descendent of Genghis Khan in to stir up trouble in Mongolian politics. In only two months, Mortimer Khan has been named Prime Minister of Mongolia. He immediately set up a Daveist government and killed anyone who objected. He was now the sole power in Mongolia. When the time came for Mongolia to be absorbed into the Daveist Empire, Khan foolishly refused, believing Mongolia could deflect a Daveist invasion. Dave declares war on Mongolia and mobilization in Russia begins. Daveland troops begin to mass at the Russo-Mongolian border. Khan believed that if Dave invaded Mongolia, his Chinese neighbors would come to their aid. The day before the scheduled invasion, Dave offers Khan one last chance to end this conflict peacefully. Khan refuses again and calls the President of China to ask for help. Even though China has the world’s 2nd largest army, navy, air force, nuclear capabilities, ect. in the world (next to Dave), they are still a formidable opponent to Daveland and if these abilities were used properly Dave could be defeated. But China refused to become involved in the crisis. Without Chinese support, Mongolia lost before the war even started. Dave decides to use the same tactics in Iran, capturing citizens and killing them to mount opposition against the government. Dave’s full force sweeps in shortly afterwards with little resistance. When they reach the capital they find Khan in a “spider hole.” He is immediately airlifted to Washington and brought before Dave, who rips out his jugular vein with his teeth. Khan dies an agonizing death. Once Daveland troops gain control of the country, the top Mongolian General offers Dave the crown of the Mongolian throne. Dave accepts and absorbs Mongolia. Dave is now knocking on China’s door! Near the year’s end a massive jailbreak occurs in Guantanamo Bay. Two unknown Mexicans, later identified as Greg and Robbie, the 2nd and 3rd Amigos respectively used a bulldozer and a dozen Cubans to break into the compound. The Legendary 4th Amigo is freed along with twenty other anti-Daveists. They are all transported to a Japanese naval cruiser, which sets course for Japan. Dave intercepts the cruiser with a nuclear sub and destroys the ship. All aboard are found dead and accounted for, except Greg, Robbie, and Chaten, who escaped in a mini-submarine five minutes before the explosion. They hide in Titanic’s wreckage where Daveland subs will not find them. After the heat cools down, they travel to Somalia and set up a Mexican base there as a launching point for an Anti-Daveist worldwide revolution.

The Dave Hepler Saga Continues! Tune in for updates!

Earth died. Sorry.[edit]

Our World, planet Earth, ended today, Sunday, March 18, 2007, aged approximately 4.55 billion years. The end of the Earth as a platform for sustaining life also brings about the end of human Wikipedia:Civilisation.

Obituary: Planet Earth[edit]

The origins of planet Earth are disputed, with various explanations offered by both theologies and science. Many scientists agree that Planet Earth was formed approximately 4.55 billion years (4,550,000,000 years) ago when it - along with eight seven planets of the Solar System - coalesced under gravity from the dust, ice and metals of the early solar nebula.

During its early days, known as the Hadean period, the Earth was very different from the planet that ended today. There were no oceans and no oxygen in the atmosphere. Bombarded by material left over from the formation of the solar system, the surface was radioactive and molten. The surface cooled slowly, forming the solid crust within 150 million years. Eventually clouds formed, and rain gave rise to the oceans within 750 million years. Volcanic activity was intense.

Earth's distinguishing characteristic among the planets of the solar system was its ability to support life. The details of the origin of life on Earth are unknown, though it is widely agreed that perhaps around 4 billion years ago a molecule in the chemistry of the early Earth gained the ability to replicate, or make copies of itself. At some point DNA took over the function of the replicator, and virtually all known terrestrial life survive from generation to generation through the action of DNA.

Barring last-minute escape attempts Human Beings or other terrestrial species, the end of planet Earth, by whatever cause, almost certainly means the end of this life.

Events leading up to the end of the World[edit]

MessedRocker, the Grim Reaper of Wikinews, pressed 'delete' on an article called 'Planet Earth', accidentally deleting the earth. :(

Depictions and predictions of the end of the World[edit]

The end of the World, of planet Earth and human civilisation have been variously predicted in religions, scientific theories and in popular culture. The branch of theology and philosophy concerned with the final events in the history of the world or the ultimate destiny of human kind is knowna as Eschatology.

A simple paradox[edit]

This wikinews entry documents an event than will axiomatically entail the end of wikinews, the internet and the human civilisation that underpins them both. This is an example of a simple Paradox. In practical terms this means that, while this entry can document the end of the World as it occurs, it will never be complete or finished.

Condos, high-rise buildings, stores, and water found on Mars[edit]

There is new evidence today that condos, high-rise buildings, and even stores have been found on Mars. The United States government have formally announced that, aside from prisoners, and due to the large population, citizens who do not recite the constitution twice a day once in the morning and once again at night, would be transfered by space-ship to the planet.

Wikinews Print Edition[edit]

Headlines[edit]

  • First headline "The world has ended today"
  • Second headline "The world has ended"
  • Third headline "No, seriously, it has ended today"
  • Featured Story "It ended, damit!"

April Fools 2006[edit]

Delete the main page![edit]

Background: On April 1, 2006, MessedRocker, known especially for handling tasks at WN:DR, decided to play a (fairly obvious) joke by nominating the main page for deletion (deletion notice and all).


I, Grim Reaper of Wikinews, am angered at how this page can still exist. It is a mere conglomerate of a bunch of news articles, WITHOUT citing any sources! The worst part was that I was told that there will never be sources cited on that page! To satisfy the source-citing rituals that are usually held at this time, this page needs to be permanently expelled from the history of the universe, lest Wikinews goes to hell. —MESSEDROCKER (talk) 01:21, 1 April 2006 (UTC)

Ah, full moons and April Firsts!
67.21.48.122 01:57, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
I fell for it. I thought it was the beginning of a page redesign war...was sort of looking forward to that. --Sfullenwider 02:01, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
Fool! What are you talking about? The Lord of Deletion is angered over the fact we have a main page that isn't a news article! This must be deleted at once! —MESSEDROCKER (talk) 02:46, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Delete -- Karen 02:54, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Delete, if it is actually an April First joke. If not, Don't delete and wash your mouths out with soap. Phil-hong 03:08, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Delete - Expreses Anglo/Euro/Right-wing/Commie/Liberal/Spoo-centric bias. Insurmountable POV problems. --Chiacomo (talk) 03:12, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Delete! Down with the wiki! --MrMiscellanious (talk) – 03:54, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Strong keep I find the main page to be very useful, it's the primary way that I use the wikinews website Bill3 04:18, 1 April 2006 (UTC)

What will the main page be replaced with if we delete it? Kroll-be 04:25, 1 April 2006 (UTC)

We could just copy CNN's webpage or maybe Fox News... Or maybe just a blank page with a big smiley face... --Chiacomo (talk) 04:31, 1 April 2006 (UTC)

better use User:Yorktown1776/Mainpage Design A Kroll-be 04:35, 1 April 2006 (UTC)

  • Kill it with fire. Awful headline; doesn't even have a verb and is not NPOV as there are plenty of other pages on the internet that are just as important. The content cites no sources and is incredibly unstable. That this page has stood for so long is an embarrassment to the project. Mindspillage (spill yours?) 04:42, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Delete - Not established in policy -- anywhere. --Chiacomo (talk) 04:44, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
No double voting :) Brian | (Talk) | New Zealand Portal 04:48, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
    • You're right, Chiacomo. We should definitely have a poll to see if pages like this are allowed by policy. Mindspillage (spill yours?) 04:52, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Delete - Utter useless crap.... no place on a wiki!!! --TUFKAAP 04:58, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Conditional keep Try not to be so negative guys! I think at least some parts can be salvaged. How about we change the title to "Alledged Main Page". That should accomodate some NPOV concerns until we find an independent source that can verify that this really is the main page. --vonbergm 05:11, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Strong keep. We'd never agree on a new Main Page. -Edbrown05 07:05, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Move to Recent News, News Highlights, News Headlines or something similarly news-related. "Main Page" is a terrible title and surely penalizes the project in its search rankings, as well as being bad for bookmark usability. This should have been fixed already . . . GreenReaper 08:00, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Strong keep - I feel like we are clearly missing something here people. By keeping the main page, we are able to adequetly and compeltely trick the people of the world into believing the evil wikimedia anglo-centric viewpoint of the world. How else will Uncle Amgine mindwash the people of this planet if we destroy the very vehicle of his righteous medicine? Lyellin 08:06, 1 April 2006 (UTC)
  • Wikinews just lost my respect.-Gadfium 08:08, 1 April 2006 (UTC)

Wikinews announces partnership with CNN[edit]

April 1, 2006

New Logo for CNNWikinews.

Wikinews, the free news source where any user can write a story, today announced that a partnership with CNN had been formed.

The terms of the deal are as yet not fully disclosed but sources close to negotiations have stated that as part of the partnership CNN will automagically transclude Wikinews stories to the CNN website. Changes made to the Wikinews article will be immediately visible on the CNN site.

Enhancements reportedly offered to Wikinews through the partnership include the use of portable satellite transmission equipment in Europe, Asia, South America, and the Middle East. The availability of transmission equipment will enable Wikinews to provide real-time recent changes feeds in some of the most remote areas of the planet.

The deal still needs to be approved by CNN shareholders and regulators. This is expected to take place by April 1, 2007.

The Wikimedia Foundation and CNN could not be reached for comment at the time of writing this story.

Sources[edit]

Category:Journalism Category:Science and technology Category:United States Category:North America Category:Culture and entertainment


April Fools 2007[edit]

In the too late to hit the timezone you're playing the joke on category we have...

Wikinews becomes national news website of New Zealand[edit]

April 1, 2007

If this flag were a lady, would you tap it?
Proposed new logo for Wikinews

In a controversial move, New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark has declared that Wikinews is the national news website of New Zealand, beating out known news staples such as The Kiwi's Logger, Fun With Sheep Weekly, and, of course, The New York Times. This move was declared after she noted considerable coverage of New Zealand articles via the New Zealand portal, such as "2007 Cricket World Cup: West Indies vs New Zealand", "Dead body found in suitcase floating in Auckland harbour", "New Zealand Government announces record surplus", "New Zealand man eats steak, feels ill", and "New Zealand men have larger penises than Australian men".

With this declaration comes an endowment of NZ$35,000,000 to the Wikimedia Foundation, which in United States dollars is equivalent to $7, as well as a statue of the Wikinews globe made of "pure uranium" outside the Parliament building.

"I feel Wikinews deserves this!" PM Clark ecstatically exclaimed.

Reactions[edit]

Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales states, "I would like to congratulate Wikinews for all its journalistic efforts." Wikimedia Foundation trustee Erik Möller asked, "What's Wikinews?" Wikinews tried to obtain a comment from Wikimedia chairwoman Florence Nibart-Devouard, however she was reportedly screaming "Get off my lawn!"

Associated Press CEO Tom Curley notes, "Wikinews? Isn't that the site that allows anyone to write news articles, even those without a degree? Pathetic!" It should be noted that with the advent of Wikinews, the AP has since amended their copyright notice forbidding paraphrasing their content.

Wikinews
This article features first-hand bullshit by an anonymous vandal. See the talk page for more details. Articles are translated through your mother.

Tenured theology professor Ryan Jordan issues this statement: "Wikinews does not know how to do journalism. It really ought to cover countries other than New Zealand, the prose needs to be more exciting, and there needs to be more coverage of missing people. I suggest they read Journalism for Dummies by Thompson; I would hang my Ph. D. on its credability."

The New Zealand Wikinews Cabal was not able to comment, as it denies its own existence.


On wheels[edit]

Wikinews admins who block innocent ips such as 77.101.38.4 will have to wear willy on wheels on them.

God v Man[edit]

From the opinions page of Nebraska Senator sues God:

And from the cheap seats/Comments pages[edit]

God Countersues Man[edit]

In a stunning twist, God countersued the entire human race for distruction of property and loitering. "I clearly said they could eat of any tree except that one. That fruit was off limits," He remarked, "But did they listen? No. There are consequences, people!" Meanwhile, Morgan Freeman sued the senator for infringement of "look and feel." --76.18.66.115 02:37, 19 September 2007 (UTC)

I name this toilet "Mohammed"[edit]

Comments:British teacher convicted of insulting Islam in Sudan