Talk:Four people shot in parking lot of Wal-Mart store north of Austin, Texas

From Wikinews, the free news source you can write!
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Some initial sources on this item

All this sources of a distinct lack of details in common; however here are coomon key points:

  1. The shooting took place in a Cedar_Park,_Texas Walmart
  2. Four people were shot
  3. All injuries were non-life-threatening
  4. Cedar Park Police Capt. Mike Harmon said authorities arrived around 4:30AM local time
  5. The suspect was also injured and hospitalized, being arrested at the scene.
  6. Soloman Onwukaife was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and is 18 years old
  7. Nothing will keep a Walmart closed, it re-opened later the same morning.

--Mozillaman (talk) 00:03, 20 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

"All of these sources seem to share a lack of specific details in common." Can't seem to English today. Anyways, last link contains the most detail but is a single source. --Mozillaman (talk) 00:04, 20 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Wal-Mart is now Walmart[edit]

Not sure if anyone will care about the hyphen; but Wal-Mart stores are all Walmart stores since 2008.

Review of revision 1593256 [Not ready][edit]

Revision 1593256 of this article has been reviewed by Brian McNeil (talk · contribs) and found not ready at 09:38, 21 August 2012 (UTC).[reply]

Comments by reviewer: Statesman: "Onwukaife remains in an area hospital with facial wounds that don’t appear to be a result of gunfire", submitted article: "Onwukaife had facial wounds that do not seem to be the result of gunfire".

This is too close, far too close, to the content of a cited source. It's the most-obvious example of a close paraphrasing of a source, but not the only one.

I've not reviewed on NPOV, but don't see any serious problems. Style-wise, I'm uncomfortable with the cliché "Gunshots rang out", and a five-sentence lede is a bit excessive.

I trimmed the CNN source from those cited. As a minimal report, containing the self-same information as the other cited sources, it wasn't really needed. In reviewing, all sources have to be read and closely checked for inconsistencies not reflected in the article. So whilst in an ideal-world more sources is better, as the number rises so too does the time to review an article.

One last content-related query: "What is FM 1431", to me (outside the area) I've no clue, and saw none from the sources.

Questions about the above? Ask.

If possible, please address the above issues then resubmit the article for another review (by replacing {{tasks}} in the article with {{review}}). This talk page will be updated with subsequent reviews.

Revision 1593256 of this article has been reviewed by Brian McNeil (talk · contribs) and found not ready at 09:38, 21 August 2012 (UTC).[reply]

Comments by reviewer: Statesman: "Onwukaife remains in an area hospital with facial wounds that don’t appear to be a result of gunfire", submitted article: "Onwukaife had facial wounds that do not seem to be the result of gunfire".

This is too close, far too close, to the content of a cited source. It's the most-obvious example of a close paraphrasing of a source, but not the only one.

I've not reviewed on NPOV, but don't see any serious problems. Style-wise, I'm uncomfortable with the cliché "Gunshots rang out", and a five-sentence lede is a bit excessive.

I trimmed the CNN source from those cited. As a minimal report, containing the self-same information as the other cited sources, it wasn't really needed. In reviewing, all sources have to be read and closely checked for inconsistencies not reflected in the article. So whilst in an ideal-world more sources is better, as the number rises so too does the time to review an article.

One last content-related query: "What is FM 1431", to me (outside the area) I've no clue, and saw none from the sources.

Questions about the above? Ask.

If possible, please address the above issues then resubmit the article for another review (by replacing {{tasks}} in the article with {{review}}). This talk page will be updated with subsequent reviews.
  • Trimmed down the lead and re-factored pretty much everything in this revision to hopefully improve readability and also minimize copyright issues. "Gunshots rang out" was also removed. FM is "Farm-to-Market"; I almost included it spelled out in this revision but a local would never use "Farm-to-Market" and I'm not sure spelling it out is strictly needed. Feel free to replace it with "Farm-to-Market" if you feel it would be a dramatic help. --Mozillaman (talk) 13:34, 21 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
The close paraphrase was my fault, I was tired, lazy or both at the time. I took out FM.....I'm very loosely familiar with the area, and listing the Highway is good enough, considering location. Mozillaman, I thought you were Canadian.....how the heck would you know what "locals" might never say?? :] --Bddpaux (talk) 16:27, 21 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]
I'm going to re-review this now. At-issue isn't what the locals might say, it is making it clear to an international audience. Here in the UK we'd call that a Farmer's Market, although I'm sure there are other names that might be more-apt for an international audience. --Brian McNeil / talk 12:48, 22 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Review of revision 1594638 [Passed][edit]

Revision 1594638 of this article has been reviewed by Brian McNeil (talk · contribs) and has passed its review at 13:00, 22 August 2012 (UTC).[reply]

Comments by reviewer: Looks a good-deal better now. Likely worth reviewing the edit history.

The reviewed revision should automatically have been edited by removing {{Review}} and adding {{Publish}} at the bottom, and the edit sighted; if this did not happen, it may be done manually by a reviewer.

Revision 1594638 of this article has been reviewed by Brian McNeil (talk · contribs) and has passed its review at 13:00, 22 August 2012 (UTC).[reply]

Comments by reviewer: Looks a good-deal better now. Likely worth reviewing the edit history.

The reviewed revision should automatically have been edited by removing {{Review}} and adding {{Publish}} at the bottom, and the edit sighted; if this did not happen, it may be done manually by a reviewer.

photo ?[edit]

Why does this story contain a photo of a Kahr pistol? Was one used in the shooting? If not, it should be removed, or else we should also add file photos of a Walmart and of a party where alcohol is being served. -136.227.31.36 (talk) 20:02, 22 August 2012 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikinews.org/w/index.php?title=Talk:Four_people_shot_in_parking_lot_of_Wal-Mart_store_north_of_Austin,_Texas&oldid=1594996"