User:Dendodge/Santa Claus dies

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This is a humorous article, and is included in the listings on the Humor Project page. This is not intended to be news in any way. If you are looking for news, please go away.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

File photo of Santa Claus from 2004
Image: Jacob Windham.

Santa Claus, who delivers presents to children every Christmas, has died today at the age of 1,709. His death is reported to be due to a cardiac arrest after he ate too many mince pies and got stuck in a chimney during a practice run in preparation for Christmas Eve.

I don't know what we'll do without him.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Attempts were made to rescue Mr Claus while he was stuck in the chimney, says Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, one of the witnesses of the incident: "Blitzen stuck out a hoof to try and pull him out, but he was well and truly stuck. Santa panicked, and unfortunately died." Rudolph went on to say, "I don't know what we'll do without him. I'll be out of a job, and all these children will have to go without presents."

A spokesman for the elves at Santa's North Pole workshop has confirmed the death, and says that "discussions are ongoing with regards to appointing a successor." The public are assured that "service is expected to resume as normal by 20 December, and every child on the 'good list' will receive a present this year."