Report in the past tense. This isn't just syntax. You shouldn't be trying to say "this is the way things are", which ultimately cannot be done anyway: everything you describe is in the past, never the present (let alone the future). Don't claim to provide a "live update" or the like.
Report on an announcement, rather than reporting what was announced. For example, rather than "at least <x> people were killed", one might say "<person> said <x> people were killed", or, even better, "in a press conference in the afternoon, <person> said <x> people were killed" — that last is especially good because, one, our readers are reminded to think about where the claim comes from; two, they are informed who made the claim; and three, they are informed when the claim was made, which can help in understanding the history of development of a story that's changing rapidly.
Use complete sentences, rather than putting tags on things (like "Live update:"). Don't use boldface. There should be at least three paragraphs, starting with a lede that briefly summarizes the event by succinctly answering as many as reasonably possible of the five Ws and an H about the event. Further paragraphs should proceed in an inverted pyramid. See WN:PILLARS#style.
If possible, please address the above issues then resubmit the article for another review (by replacing {{tasks}} in the article with {{review}}). This talk page will be updated with subsequent reviews.
Report in the past tense. This isn't just syntax. You shouldn't be trying to say "this is the way things are", which ultimately cannot be done anyway: everything you describe is in the past, never the present (let alone the future). Don't claim to provide a "live update" or the like.
Report on an announcement, rather than reporting what was announced. For example, rather than "at least <x> people were killed", one might say "<person> said <x> people were killed", or, even better, "in a press conference in the afternoon, <person> said <x> people were killed" — that last is especially good because, one, our readers are reminded to think about where the claim comes from; two, they are informed who made the claim; and three, they are informed when the claim was made, which can help in understanding the history of development of a story that's changing rapidly.
Use complete sentences, rather than putting tags on things (like "Live update:"). Don't use boldface. There should be at least three paragraphs, starting with a lede that briefly summarizes the event by succinctly answering as many as reasonably possible of the five Ws and an H about the event. Further paragraphs should proceed in an inverted pyramid. See WN:PILLARS#style.
If possible, please address the above issues then resubmit the article for another review (by replacing {{tasks}} in the article with {{review}}). This talk page will be updated with subsequent reviews.
The removal of boldface is appreciated. However, style concerns remain.
We can help a bit with brushing up the English, of course. However, as noted there is a matter of content: tell our readers where the information came from — not which news org (which is covered by citing the news sources at the bottom of the page), but where they got the information. A firefighter, a "government official", an airline representative, whatever.
Don't put a death-toll in a separate section. Don't put it in present tense. And do say who said it and when they said it.
Don't use <br> to break lines; instead, use blank lines to separate paragraphs. There should be at least three paragraphs; and, figure the total amount of text should be about twice what's there now, maybe a bit more.
If possible, please address the above issues then resubmit the article for another review (by replacing {{tasks}} in the article with {{review}}). This talk page will be updated with subsequent reviews.
The removal of boldface is appreciated. However, style concerns remain.
We can help a bit with brushing up the English, of course. However, as noted there is a matter of content: tell our readers where the information came from — not which news org (which is covered by citing the news sources at the bottom of the page), but where they got the information. A firefighter, a "government official", an airline representative, whatever.
Don't put a death-toll in a separate section. Don't put it in present tense. And do say who said it and when they said it.
Don't use <br> to break lines; instead, use blank lines to separate paragraphs. There should be at least three paragraphs; and, figure the total amount of text should be about twice what's there now, maybe a bit more.
If possible, please address the above issues then resubmit the article for another review (by replacing {{tasks}} in the article with {{review}}). This talk page will be updated with subsequent reviews.
It's the middle of the night for me; I do need sleep, so while someone else might review it sooner, I certainly won't have an opportunity to review this for at least five hours or so. --Pi zero (talk) 07:31, 8 August 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The reviewed revision should automatically have been edited by removing {{Review}} and adding {{Publish}} at the bottom, and the edit sighted; if this did not happen, it may be done manually by a reviewer.
The reviewed revision should automatically have been edited by removing {{Review}} and adding {{Publish}} at the bottom, and the edit sighted; if this did not happen, it may be done manually by a reviewer.
