User:Matthewedwards/FA

Although WN:FAC doesn't work exactly like w:WP:FAC, I still don't feel right outright opposing or supporting without giving some sort of feedback. Due to WN:ARCHIVE rules, some of the comments might not be of much use, although they could help with writing future articles.

US undergraduate commits suicide after 'outing' via webcast

• For my personal preference, there are too many one-sentence paragraphs that could have been merged with others. It's okay if they're emphasising a point, but the ones that begin "One of the anonymous witnesses..." and "The crime of 'transmitting..." aren't really hard-hitting enough to warrant standing out like this
• "On Sunday 19^th violates WN:SG#Dates
• Why does a paragraph say he jumped on a Thursday, and the first paragraph says Wednesday? All sources say Wednesday
• Because the article covers an event that spans two weeks, inserting a date (and correct day) somewhere in this sentence would have helped the reader put it into greater context: "The following Thursday, Wednesday, September 22, at around 4 p.m., fellow freshman Lauren Garcia saw Clementi leaving the dormitory."
• "Clementi drove one hour along the New Jersey Turnpike, abandoning his car on the Jersey side." probably doesn't mean much to our international readers
• "Facebook", not "FaceBook" x2
• "New York Police Department's Harbour Unit recovered a body of a young man on Wednesday" should be "yesterday"
• The AP source is dead now.
• There's an abundance of [...], the NYPost source says, ""It was so quick, as soon as he saw us, he went," said a 45-year-old West New York, NJ, resident who asked that his name not be printed. "He didn't give us an opportunity to do anything." so the [...] isn't necessary here. I haven't checked the other instances of it
• Looking at the talk page, it wasn't actually published to policy. There were no cats, typos of one person's name that was also picked up on in the peanut gallery.. although they were fixed, do we really want to highlight our mistakes this way?

Based on this, I opposed. Matthewedwards (talk) 18:55, 6 November 2010 (UTC)

Wikinews investigates the reconstruction of Pichilemu, Chile after February earthquake

• "comprises at least 24 villages, such as Ciruelos, Rodeíllo and Espinillo (both also severely damaged by the March 11 earthquake)" -- "both", but 3 are mentioned
• "The earthquake took place in what it's considered the 'last weekend in the summer;' " -- "it's" is incorrect here
• "reported El Rancagüino, the most important newspaper in O'Higgins Region," -- doesn't sound neutral, and since O'Higgins Region has been linked already, it doesn't need to be again
• For future reference, when you pipelink specifics such as "the station reported that a police truck had crashed" and "the post office, which was demolished in July.", the links would have more meaning if they were formatted "the station reported that a local police truck had crashed" and "the post office, which was demolished in July." This lets the reader know he isn't being navigated to a generic link about police or post offices, but specific ones relevant to the story.
• I assume "to make the city go back to the normality." is a quote translated from Spanish to English. I wonder how this was done? Was it word-for-word translation, or more of a loose translation of an entire sentence? I ask because in normal English usage I think "return the city to normality." is more likely to have been said.
• typo on "begginning"
• Some phrasing sounds a bit odd or questionable: "People were also given food, wood (mostly rests from the destroyed kiosks)," -- What are "rests"? Also, mayor's statement ""We are keeping the government informed, we're also organized with some churches [sic, religious organizations] that are working voluntarily in Espinillo, Los Boldos, Alto Ramírez [...] We thank a lot their work, that is not to give them mediaguas [temporary tenements], but something definitive, but I also think they need resources to do it,"" -- was this in English or Spanish because again, I think something got lost in translation. "we're also organized with some churches" probably is supposed to be "we're working with some churches"? While "we thank a lot their work" —> "we are grateful for their work"?
• Unfortunately, while the article's title tells us it's about the reconstruction, the article itself doesn't begin to tell the reader about the reconstruction efforts until the 6th subsection. I think this article would have had a greater impact if it had been written as two separate articles. One article incorporating the first two-thirds of this one, and being about How the community initally acted and reacted during the earthquakes and tsunami. The second article utilising the final third of this one, and being about the reconstruction.
• I also felt a bit underwhelmed when it came to the information about the reconstruction efforts. In the first half of the article, it says:

• "the giant waves ... annihilated its beach and reached the city's square, destroying everything on their way" (emphasis added).
• "The Agustín Ross architecture in the city was damaged. Agustín Ross Balcony was completely destroyed."
• "The earthquake destroyed one of Pichilemu's oldest and iconic buildings, the post office,".
• There's a photo of the Donde Esaú Restaurant, "which was severely damaged by both the tsunami and earthquake.", and according to the owner, the Entre Mar hotel was also destroyed.
• 600 people in Espinillo were made homeless.

• However, the two sections that tell the reader about the reconstruction only tell us about a cenotaph that's been erected, the reconstructed Fishermen Store, and designing some kiosks that apparently cost a bit more than before.

• File:Main_beach-pichilemu-2010eq_edit.jpg shows mud and dirt, and beach and timber everywhere, boats strewn about, cars crashed into each other.
• When was the beach cleaned up and reopened? All this could have added to the reconstruction part.
• What about the seafront bars and restaurants that were destroyed? Are they boarded up? Were they reconstructed? Torn down? How are these business owners now making a living?
• How many days did it take for tow trucks to remove them?
• Does insurance cover any this? Has the Chilean government pledged financial aid, tax breaks or something?
• Has the displaced found new homes or alternative, more permanent, residence?

I opposed this one too, but I actually do think that it's not too bad. Other than the odd typo and potential translation mistakes, overall the prose is quite good. The article has great images that are relevant, and aren't file photos. I think some sort of map of the city showing how far inland the waves came, the neighbourhoods that were destroyed and where people sought refuge would have been a great addition, though. And the back-story is, while misplaced, very informative.