Talk:Eleven children injured in Scottish school shooting; two teenagers detained

From Wikinews, the free news source you can write!
Jump to: navigation, search

What's wrong with the audio button on this article?
Chief Suptd. John Thompson of the local police gave an interview to BBC News in the last 15 minutes. The reporter said he is leading the investigation. He said:

"Eleven youths comprising of five females and six males all aged between 12 and 16 have sustained minor injuries mostly to the legs and to the torso. As a consequence of being struck by pellets, we believe, from an air weapon or BB gun."

"All of the injuries are of a minor nature, which was a great relief to me."

"Subsequent inquiries directed us towards a house in Auchinleck where we have detained an 18-year-old male and a 15-year-old male. Both of those individuals are being interviewed at present and our inquiries are ongoing. I would appeal for anyone who may have been in the area ... to please contact the police."

I e-mailed the school through their website shortly after the first reports of the incident emerged on Google News; I have not received a reply. wackywace 16:52, 24 February 2011 (UTC)

Lede[edit]

Answer the following in the lede, as far as practicable: Who? What? When? Where? Why? How? – which school? When did this happen? — μ 19:20, 23 February 2011 (UTC)

Review of revision 1184111 [Failed][edit]

The OR notes are at the top of this page... wackywace 19:24, 23 February 2011 (UTC)
Watching a news report does not constitute original reporting. — μ 19:25, 23 February 2011 (UTC)
Ignore that, I thought it was an OR template, not a BR. Sorry. — μ 19:26, 23 February 2011 (UTC)
The callout should consist of information given in the article, not additional information not written in the main body of text. — μ 19:27, 23 February 2011 (UTC)

OR[edit]

There is some OR here. At the end it says "Auchinleck Academy has not replied to a request for a comment from Wikinews." That needs reporter's notes (and therefore an OR template, presumably replacing the broadcast template); what was done to request comment? --Pi zero (talk) 14:43, 24 February 2011 (UTC)

Fact check[edit]

  • The phrase "ongoing incident" doesn't occur in any of the sources (including reporter's notes).
  • I can't confirm that Thompson is leading the inquiry.

--Pi zero (talk) 15:47, 24 February 2011 (UTC)

To amplify the first point, I'm having difficulty with the phrase in which "ongoing incident" occurs:
Strathclyde Police said officers were attending an "ongoing incident" near the secondary school
With that amplification, I consider these two items, plus the OR issue raised in the preceding section, to be the only remaining obstacles to publication. --Pi zero (talk) 16:31, 24 February 2011 (UTC)
If push comes to shove, we could always edit/comment out that line until Wackywace comes back to us. — μ 16:37, 24 February 2011 (UTC)
The sources earlier had the police statement which said it was an "ongoing incident"; I can only presume they removed it because it is no longer ongoing. I have removed that quote from the article. The BBC reporter stated Thompson was leading the inquiry; I forgot to add that to the notes, but I have now. I have also added the details of the contact I tried to make with the school to the notes. wackywace 16:52, 24 February 2011 (UTC)
Could we get rid of one of the OR/BR templates? There's now a lot of whitespace at the bottom of the article. — μ 17:15, 24 February 2011 (UTC)

Review of revision 1184737 [Passed][edit]


Sensationalism[edit]

"Eleven children injured in Scottish school shooting; two teenagers detained"

I think that headline is very "sensationalist". When I saw it pop up in RSS, I wondered why I had not heard about it, why it was not all over BBC News. I wasn't expecting it to be a BB-gun shooting.

When I mentioned this concern to others, they argued that BB guns can indeed be lethal - well, yes; that is true, but it's perfectly *possible* to sustain a lethal injury from a tea-cosy too.[note 1] That's not really the point.

"injured in a firearms incident" is pushing things, somewhat. It approaches tabloid-style attention-grabbing headlines.

In my humble opinion, as always. Chzz (talk) 15:26, 25 February 2011 (UTC)

  1. Odds of very unusual accidents: 1 in 20 billion, "Death by tea cosy." - from w:QI (D series)

"The affected children were treated for minor injuries at Crosshouse Hospital in Kilmarnock. One pupil is understood to have been kept in for further treatment."[edit]

This statement is from the BBC article: "The affected children were treated for minor injuries at Crosshouse Hospital in Kilmarnock. One pupil is understood to have been kept in for further treatment." I think the degree of injuries should be reported in the article to give it a sense of proportion. The way it is reported now, it sounds like the incident is overblown. Is every such incident, however minor, going to be reported? It is hardly a "school shooting" on the level of Colmbine and many others. Regards, Mattisse (talk) 16:19, 25 February 2011 (UTC)

Thank you for your suggestion! When you feel an article needs improvement, please feel free to make whatever changes you feel are needed. Wikinews is a wiki, so anyone can edit any article by simply following the Edit This Page link at the top. Don't worry too much about making honest mistakes—they're likely to be found and corrected quickly. If you're not sure how editing works, check out how to edit a page, or use the sandbox to try out your editing skills. — μ 16:25, 25 February 2011 (UTC)
Just watch the publish time. Generally significant edits to an article after 24 hours, are not encouraged. DragonFire1024 (Talk to the Dragon) 16:39, 25 February 2011 (UTC)
I've lost all faith in my abilities to edit here when I received reviews of my last article, so I will not add information to this article. I was just making a suggestion and I don't feel free to to make changes to it. Mattisse (talk) 17:12, 25 February 2011 (UTC)