Talk:Former basketball player Kobe Bryant dies in helicopter crash, aged 41

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Notes[edit]

Some notes to try and make the review easier

  • NBC - only the third paragraph is needed ("Bryant’s 13-year-old daughter...")
  • Fox - only the eleventh paragraph is needed ("Bryant was selected in...")

--DannyS712 (talk) 22:44, 26 January 2020 (UTC)

Yeah, but a reviewer can't selectively ignore the sources cited in an article. If you cite a source, it is used in its entirety to check for any conflicting information with the article.
16.242.234.22 (talk) 03:52, 27 January 2020 (UTC)

I'm thinking of a list instead of paragraph.[edit]

In the third paragraph you listed some of his notable achievements. Probably, we could break it down to a list for ease-of-read. (For some reason, I don't see them used in WN much.)

For the twenty years he played for Lakers, Bryant became:
* An NBA champion five times.
* An All-NBA first-team selection eleven times.
* A Finals MVP twice.
* An All-Star 18 times, including four times as All-Star MVP.
* The 2008 NBA MVP.

--Don't call 911 (talk) 23:18, 26 January 2020 (UTC)

We generally avoid bulleted lists, and tables, and offset block quotes, in favor of an unbroken flow of text. --Pi zero (talk) 23:23, 26 January 2020 (UTC)

First paragraph[edit]

When it says "a helicopter with Kobe Bryant " in the first paragraph, the reader may not know who this is. I would suggest to write "a helicopter with American professional basketball player Kobe Bryant " or some shorter variant.

Is the cause of the crash known? I would suggest to check all sources to possibly find it. If it is not known, I would suggest to state "Cause of the crash was not known".

--Gryllida (talk) 23:22, 26 January 2020 (UTC)

  • Done x2; Pi zero would object to "American", and I say professional later, but I added something. Cause is indeed unknown. --DannyS712 (talk) 23:25, 26 January 2020 (UTC)
It would also be interesting to know why these people, including Kobe, were on the helicopter. Is its destination known? Gryllida (talk) 23:29, 26 January 2020 (UTC)
Not that I could find --DannyS712 (talk) 23:30, 26 January 2020 (UTC)
On Twitter, Adrian Wojnarowski, reportedly "a senior from ESPN", said that both Kobe and Gianna were on their way to "travel basketball game", and that the passengers also included another player and his parent. Gryllida (talk) 23:56, 26 January 2020 (UTC)
Added this to the article directly. Gryllida (talk) 23:59, 26 January 2020 (UTC)

Focus sounds off[edit]

Title suggests we are talking about Bryant's death not the helicopter's crash, but first two paragraphs suggest otherwise. Maybe, we could switch places between 2rd and 3th paragraphs, and rephrase the lead. Also the point of his daughter's death is not smt sweet (IMO) to end story with. Maybe, we could move it up a bit. (Apologies, I'm wary of touching other's articles in-progress; It just resulted in edit conflict.) --Don't call 911 (talk) 23:52, 26 January 2020 (UTC)

Article updated; Still sounds off. :P --Don't call 911 (talk) 00:03, 27 January 2020 (UTC)
For one thing, the headline didn't mention the helicopter; adjusted. --Pi zero (talk) 03:53, 27 January 2020 (UTC)

Review of revision 4543261 [Not ready][edit]

Headline[edit]

Someone should fix the spelling of ‘basketball’ in the headline.

Done! --Don't call 911 (talk) 20:52, 27 January 2020 (UTC)

Twitter as a news source?[edit]

I see that this was official statement tweeted by authorities. If such thing sourced in an article doesn't that make it OR? If not, how much should there to be considered OR? --Don't call 911 (talk) 08:04, 29 January 2020 (UTC)

If you didn't go out of your way (say on Twitter) to contact the person to gather the information, it is not OR. It is just another source platform a personnel used for communication.
•–• 08:06, 29 January 2020 (UTC)
That makes now. Thanks for clearing the fog for me. (I haven't got good grasp of inner-workings of journalism. This greatly helps.) --Don't call 911 (talk) 08:11, 29 January 2020 (UTC)

Review of revision 4543738 [Passed][edit]